Words are not enough to describe what we really feel.
Smile and laughter on the other hand can ease sadness.
I’m happy again.
Hugs and kisses to my sister Jenny.
Archive for October, 2006
When I Mention My Name
If you are living in the Philippines, born in 1980, a girl, and your name is “Sorren”, it is quite funny how you get different reactions from different people… funny antics that is and somehow including the frustration that there is a need to spell your name as S – O – double R – E – N.
Not so long ago, the Philippine Showbiz welcomes a guy named “Zoren Legaspi”. When I started to go to school in elementary, I didn’t recall any funny experience because of my name. But, when I was in high school and Zoren Legaspi made a name in the show business people whom I met for the first time don’t believe that my name is really Sorren so it’s either I go spelling my name or I even suggest that they can call me with my second name “Caryl” for it sounded more girly and if that would make them more comfortable because they really question if Sorren should be a name of a lass (you’re right, you’ll smell debate on the sideline). I know that the spelling and pronunciation is different but here in the Philippines, there is no difference at all, they even call me Zoren instead of Sorren; or after telling them my name they would follow it with – Legaspi? They would even ask where Kier (Zoren’s brother who is also an actor) Legaspi is. I was so attached with the male movie star that every time there is something new about his life, they would ask me or associate me. Like when he started dating Carmina Villaroel whom he eventually had twin kids; people would ask me “How’s Carmina?” I usually answer them “she’s fine, she’s at home with the kids,” and shook my head and smile. But in fairness, I want my first born to be twins in real life.
But what I would never forget about having this name, is when I was in high school, because I am into arts and making slogans with really cool artwork behind it, one of the new teachers of the school asked me to see her because she’ll be coaching me for the next slogan making contest. She asked a student to tell me to see her, so a student said that this certain new teacher is looking for me, I looked for her and approached her by just saying “Ma’am, you were looking for me?” she stared at me and said she isn’t, because I am not sure if she’s the teacher I am looking for, I asked a student again to verify her name and as expected she’s the one looking for me. So, for the second time I went back to her and this time I told her, “Ma’am I am Sorren, a student said that you were looking for me.” With a surprise smile, she finally said, “You’re Sorren! I thought Sorren was a boy, yes I was looking for you.” Also, it’s not only once during high school up to college that when I gave my female friends letters about our friendship without malice or romance attached, their parents especially the mothers questioned their daughters about “Sorren,” they thought their babies are being courted. One of the mothers even spoke with me over the phone just to really find out if I am a lady, yet I didn’t think that she bought it that time, and could even suspects her daughter who was making up everything. But, maybe the mother finally believes it when she saw my profile in our yearbook.
One day, my friend asked me that we try to apply to a script writing workshop by Ricky Lee, one of the famous script writers here in the Philippines. The applicants reached thousands during that day, and since I don’t really expect that I would able to make it, I thought to myself that I might as well buy the script writing book of Mr. Lee and I wouldn’t leave the place without asking him to sign an autograph. When I went to Mr. Lee to ask him to sign the book I already saw Zoren’s brother Brandon who is also an actor and is applying too in that workshop sat very close to us, so when Mr. Lee ask for my name and I told him it’s Sorren Mr. Lee looked at Brandon and they both smiled at me, then I have to again spell my name to set the difference. That’s the closest I get to the Legaspis aside from one time that Zoren was in my dream but I never saw him in person yet.
Oh well, I may have a name associated with a man and a movie star too, but I am sure to myself that I wore skirt and pointed shoes every once in a while and I like men all because am a lady. Nevertheless, I am proud of my name. My uncle (my mother’s kid brother) gave it to me and I am glad he did. As I grow older and as I moved from one place to another I don’t get that much remarks anymore but once in a while I really have to spell my name to clarify things. I love being unique, doing the unconventional, and having that name as a Filipina is something I treasure. I intend to do more great things in my life like my all time favorite personality Oprah Winfrey and I really hope that when people mention my name, it’s not because I am associated with the male movie star anymore but because I have done something so remarkable for others than they recognized my uniqueness and deserving to have my very own identity to the public. Who knows, one day parents will name their children after me.
Big or Small, Expensive or Cheap, Personally Bought or a Gift
I have to go to that store and be at that particular shelves that creatively displays and sells those precious things… one by one I’ll browse the different items made with variety of materials, there’s a sweet and innocent smile on my lips and with much care and anticipation I’ll open it, feel it and when I found just what I needed (even without any plans on using it for the next three months or so – but I just knew I have to get it)… and so it goes with me at the counter.
What are the criteria in choosing my favorite thing? (1) The leaves has to be thick for endurance so it could stand time that passes by, (2) the texture should have just enough smoothness – not too silky yet not that rough because I don’t want the pen to have an issue with it at the time I’ll use it, (3) the size basically depends on my mood whether I’d be carrying it in my tote bag or it’ll sit on my table waiting for me at the beginning or end of the day, (4) the design will have to go with the purpose, whether for personal, leisure, or business, and most importantly on what inspiration will it bring, and finally (5) if notebook has a voice it talks to me or a soul it creeps into my being whispering not literally though but my gut feeling commands me to do: “Take that precious notebook home.”
I love notebooks, big or small, expensive or cheap, personally bought or a gift, with metal, plastic or board cover – I love them and I’ve carefully chosen them to be part of my life. I wouldn’t even mind building honorary statue for the inventor. I don’t want to exaggerate, I don’t own boxes of notebooks but for sure I barely leave home without carrying one with me wherever I go. For me, buying it is the most inexpensive habit of mine because it gives me a deeper pleasure for realizing my true passion and that is writing my thoughts, narrating the events of my life, and just honestly letting out my heart’s desires.
My notebooks are my comfort possession because it serves as my partner in writing, like choosing a person to possibly become my friend, there are times that I pick a totally wrong note so it’ll end up to somebody else, or like a true gem I have a note that waited for me for seven years before having to write something on it, that particular notebook is a product of merit and my mom told me that she’ll give that to me as soon as I get into college, she kept it in her closet and every time I miss it, I take a look at it, touch it and return to where it is stored because I know that beautiful pink notebook is especially reserved for me, when the time came that I could finally write on it, the pages where not that sparkling as it was years ago and yet there is still no regrets I knew it inspire me that some things are meant to stay unwritten and uncluttered.
When I was 14, I started making fictional stories, too short to become a novel and too long to become a short story so it’s called Sorren’s very own pocketbooks/romance novels/suspense novels. Yes, without a personal computer I’ve written every single words and it took me in a different world and like a magic I can be in anywhere I want to go and created characters like I really knew them. But the pleasure of just writing doesn’t stop there because my female classmates even girls from other classes borrowed every story, gave feedback, reserved the next story to come out – it’s like my own best-seller moments without any price but having a true feedback that they’ve loved it. I wrote several stories until 16 and my earliest achievement that I could say is that I inspired other girls in my batch that we could be our very own publisher/writer with the help of our gifts of talent, inspiration, imagination, our effort and time to write in our carefully chosen notebook.
Another notebook of mine was created to become my journal of my daily happenings. It recorded vivid events of my life that I felt like I am back at that particular time, breathing the same air, and having that the same heartbeat. It is amazing! There is nothing like it jotting down your thoughts and going through them once again like they were written yesterday or it even felt like you are reading something that is freshly written.
My favorite page-to-page notebook is from Sterling, spring less note and I’ve padded it with red. It contained impromptu poetries with titles that speak my mind but since I don’t want to just plainly write it down and I wanted to lessen the pain in each entries or I wanted to really feel the exhilarating happiness that’s why I put them in poetry that only me and my note will understand.
Some people may not have the same connection with their notebooks the way I have. I am not Imelda Marcos who collected so many shoes or as shopaholic as Becky Bloomwood in Sophie Kinsella’s novel… I am a person with peculiarities with notes and much more desire to share my ideas to the world.
In the future, no one will ever know what happened today, so I give extra effort that every page of my notebooks I own today are surely filled with true stories, beautiful dreams, and even fictions that really have sense; and that one day, if somebody will find them, I hope that they will be amazed, informed, and inspired.
O.C. Client
This might be the shortest entry because I just want to share that last October 20 we met this client and he’s a middle age man and I can’t believe it when he used the term “oc” (^_^) I can’t imagined that there are old men who also considered themselves “oc,” well it’s not that I have discrimination but it was more appropriate that they use the term “peculiar”. My colleague said that she saw my face lit up when the term was mentioned. Hahahaha I was happy to find someone who has the same habit like me.
The Unfair Side of Falling in Love
It’s so unfair! Whenever my friends and I talk about my crush I involuntarily blush! I know that I’d been overreacting for the past few days and I am really committed to change. I’ll be tamed, less hyper, undemanding of the unknown, and most of all be realistic that he’s not courting me so I cannot wish, do, and expect for things the way I hope them to happen. Hahahahaha I know that this is an embarrassing blog but I need to remind myself that I need to be relaxed and have an in-your-face wake up reminder that I need to move on… Move on that he can’t be in your mind everyday!
Am I falling for him? I’m not sure. I don’t know. I just hope there wouldn’t be one more love that will not be reciprocated. Right now I really wonder why one sided love happens? It’s such a sad truth. On the other hand, I don’t think there is such thing as a wasted love. People show their affection in different manner and there is always a reason for everything; it’s just a matter of finding that good reason. In this case maybe I care for him because of the following:
- God wants to send the message to him that he’s special and to prove that here I am crazy fool liking him.
- Though it is disappointing not to know how he really feels about me, the mere fact that he inspires me to be a better person is a good way to loving myself.
- My sister’s friend who is a priest said that if a special man becomes part of your prayer you must really love him. Sigh. He’s such a lucky man because he’s always part of my prayers that he’ll be taken cared of and may all his worries be handled properly.
- There is the feeling that everything becomes possible and beautiful.
- Songs become more meaningful.
- I learn new things from him and I am genuinely interested too.
- I know that my friends are happy for me because finally I try my best to recognize romantic love and not just love for my family and work.
- He makes me nervous in a good way.
- One nice word from him and I felt like the world is mine. Three second attention from him and I could do all things happily with an unimaginable adrenaline.
- Maybe I was meant to learn what loving a man is so that when people around me describe the pain of loving somebody I may have an idea. Feeling a lil pain pushes me to find answers on how to remedy it, well right now, I end up working smarter and harder to get another focus… but I’m still searching for other options because I don’t want my friend to be sad and confuse, I want her to be sad but knows exactly where to go next to achieve a new heart that has more love to share.
If this will not work… aside from the fact that there is a pain in my heart literally and there is the imagination that my heart was pulled out and was put inside a blender… honestly no regrets because I have ten positive things and more to believe are reasons why this feeling came to pass (?)
Shorter Hair
Back in high school, I did cut my hair short but not this short like what I got now. I am composing this entry because I’m sure I’ll have one question thrown at me, “why?” If you’ve known me long enough, you’ll understand that I’ll have so many reasons but you really have to pay attention to know which among those truths the main reason is.
I was trying to think of a joke, okay this is not true but it is a sensible reason supposedly: I am walking at the mall last Saturday, I tripped and a bubble gum stick on my hair. I have no choice but to cut where the root of the problem is. Gas (as told by the grams in the province) is not an option, I may burn my hair to ashes then I’ll have more explaining to do why I’m bald.
But honestly, these are the reasons why I cut my hair really really short:
- I got a fever last Thursday and still on the process to recovery the following day… since I was stocked at home for two days, I just have to go out by Saturday and getting a hair cut is one good reason to see the world, see got no bangs at all disturbing my chinese eyes.
- If you’ve read my friendster blog “Got It From Don” it would be really cool to do new things that you’ve never done before. Don was pertaining to nature tripping but for me his wisdom is all about trying new things in life whatever it is as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. New Short Hair is about trying one new thing for the first time.
- Last month, I’d been requesting a short hair to my hairdresser but he doesn’t want to give it to me, he didn’t exactly explain why; like it doesn’t match my sweet round and innocent face, it doesn’t look feminine for me, or he’s scared that I will ruin his career if I freak out after the cutting session… so anyways this time around I met the ever gay Dennis and when I mentioned I like a Halle Berry short hair he understood, smiled, and confidently started cutting my hair. No one ever got what a Halle Berry short but him. So it was fate to finally get that Short Hair.
- I told to this one nice person that I cut my hair to remind me that I need to keep myself healthy. I ruined one special plan that I’d been so excited to experience. But because of my stubbornness, I messed things up. I am so guilty and sad! My New Short Hair is a reminder that I have to love myself. I have to start enjoying sleep and appreciate the benefit that it will give me energy to use during the day. I have to properly manage EVERY SINGLE THING – okay O.C. thingy moment kicking in.
- I love my hair and the freedom that I can do whatever I want to do with it. I don’t need to have a comb everyday in my purse. I also love the idea that I have to try this short hair before I hit 30.
Next question, will I get this hair cut again? I’m not sure but my next hair style would be long and wavy hair. That’ll take months but hey this is Day 2 and counting (^_^) For now, I’ll enjoy my short hair!
My sisters are kidding me where did their big sister or achie goes? Why was she replaced by a big brother or ahiya? Funny! I still insist that I’m a lady and I’m in love with a man right now. Gosh, I hope he likes my new hairdo, if not then… waaah there’s no if not!
